Liar!
by smilelaughread
Summary: Dialogue between Remus and Sirus throughout their years at Hogwarts.
1. First Year

"Remus!"

"..."

"Remus!"

"..."

"Please stop ignoring me!"

"What do you want Sirius?"

"Stop walking, I want to talk to you."

"Why would the coolest boy in our year want to talk to, quote on quote 'the freaky kid?"

"I didn't mean it when I said it!"

"Oh, of _course_ you didn't."

"I was angry at James because he wasn't listening to this theory I have about you."

"So you called me a freak?"

"..."

"..."

"Aren't you going to ask me what it is?"

"What?"

"My theory about you."

"..."

"No? Hmm... I'll tell you anyway. I think you are a werewolf."

"Y-you... you what?"

"Ha! I knew it. That funny half-pained half-shocked look on your face gives it away."

"I do not have a funny looking face!"

"Don't try to change the subject, Remmy."

"Remmy?"

"I'm serious, don't try it with me, I am the master of making excuses, and what you're trying to do right now is about the oldest trick in the book!"

"What book?"

"..."

"What?"

"..."

"..."

"Re-mmy, you're doing it again."

"What?"

"I'm going to ignore that you just tried to changed the subject again and-"

"You acknowledged that I said something, which is not ignoring it."

"_AND_ ask you again. Are you a werewolf?"

"No."

"..."

"..."

"Liar! I know you are. I checked out a book from the library, and you display the same symptoms that are described in the book once a month, and then you miss two days of school. I know you are a werewolf. Admit it Remmy."

"Stop calling me Remmy!"

"..."

"Alright fine! I give up. Yes, I'm a werewolf... Don't make that face! It makes me uncomfortable, and it's a bit creepy."

"..."

"Please don't go blabbing it to everyone. I don't plan on making my... _condition_ public knowledge."

"Don't worry, I won't."

"Thank y- _Why are you hugging me?_"

"You just proved me right!"

"Please. Let. Go."

"Geez, tou-chy! Come with me so you can tell James. He's going to flip when he finds out I was right!"

"I'm sure I won't be welcome with your friends."

"Don't be silly! They'll love you. We'll need your brains for what we are planning on becoming."

"..."

"Aren't you going to ask me what we're planning?"

"..."

"No? I'll tell you anyway. We are going to become the best troublemakers ever to walk the halls of Hogwarts."

"And I fit into your plan how?"

"We need your brains! Our plans will all fail without your superior knowledge."

"Well, when you put it that way..."

"Come on, Remmy!"

* * *

><p><strong>Writing dialogue is so much fun! <strong>

**I hope you enjoyed this... review?**


	2. Second Year

"Class is dismissed. Not you two... Black! Lupin!"

"Yes Professor McGonagall?"

"Mister Black, you be quiet."

"Bu-"

"Shush! I couldn't help but notice that you two dropped one of those exploding balls into Miss Umbridge's book bag."

"We didn't touch any... _balls._"

"Sirius Black, how innapropriate! You two are to report here for your detention tonight at seven."

"Professor, you see. Remus and I have a lot of homework to finish... Wait, do that again."

"What?"

"That wave-y thing you just did with your hand."

"Al-right."

"..."

"..."

"Freeze!"

"Mister Black, you have no right to speak to me that way!"

"Roll up the sleeve of your robe Professor."

"W-why?"

"I saw it."

"What?"

"The tattoo."

"I don't have a tattoo!"

"..."

"..."

"Professor, we have to go do our work."

"Huh! Fine. Dismissed!"

* * *

><p>"You are such a liar, Sirius!"<p>

"Remus, shut up, she'll hear us!"

"Do we have to go to detention today?"

"No."

"Why not? She didn't take the punishment back!"

"We have _homework!_"

"But that was a lie!"

"So?"

"So... she will know we lied, and then we will be in even more trouble!"

"Oh, Remmy. I can't believe you haven't caught on. One would think that after a whole year in my company you'd pick up on my sneaky ways."

"Don't. Call. Me. Remmy! All I picked up on was your lie!"

"Oh Merlin! Do I have to spell it out for you?"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Oh, you're ignoring me now? Whatever, I'm still going to tell you. I made her flustered and confused her with my request-"

"What request?"

"Ha! I knew you weren't really mad! I asked her to pull her sleeve up, remember?"

"Okay... What does that have to do with us not having detention?"

"Well you see, dear Remmy, she was so confused by what I said that I bet it completely slipped her mind that she had just assigned two second years detention."

"And if it didn't slip her mind?"

"She's ancient, it is a given!"

"..."

"What now?"

"..."

"OW! Why'd you punch me?"

"You can't insult teachers like that!"

"Why not?"

"..."

"Haha, Remmy's a teacher's pet!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Not."

"Too."

"Not."

"Too."

"No-oomph."

"Too. I win!"

"You tripped me!"

"No, I didn't"

"Yes, you did!"

"Nope."

"Yes."

"Nope."

"Yes..."

* * *

><p><strong>Well, I've decided to do make this story longer. Each chapter will be a different school year. For example, chapter one was first year, chapter two was second year... <strong>

**Review?**


	3. Third Year

"Sirius!"

"..."

"Sirius!"

"..."

"Siri..."

"Do NOT call me that!"

"Well, at least I got you to stop I got you to stop!"

"I'm sorry, Remmy. I couldn't hear you over Melanie's voice"

"New girlfriend?"

"Yeah."

"Crap. Sirius, listen to me."

"No."

"Yeah, you're gonna listen to me!"

"Uh, nope."

"Uh, yeah."

"Nope."

"Yup."

"Nope."

"I listen when you're prattling on about the girls you date, now you're going to come with me and listen."

"..."

"..."

"Where are we going, Remmy?"

"You'll see."

"..."

"..."

"Why are we here. It's shady, cold, and there's no one here!"

"That's the point, I have... I have a secret."

"..."

"Ha! That got you listening, didn't it?"

"Yeah."

"Well. I have to tell you..."

"...?"

"BOO!"

"Ahh!"

"Hahaha!"

"..."

"Hahaha!"

"..."

"Hahaha!"

"..."

"Okay, you've got to admit I got you!"

"..."

"Siri?"

"..."

"Oh, you're really mad if you didn't yell at me for calling you Siri..."

"..."

"..."

"Hahaha!"

"Sirius? Are you alright?"

"Yeah it's... just that... I can't believe... you got me like that. I haven't screamed like that in ages!"

"Your face was absolutely hilarious Siri."

"Grrr..."

"Oops!"

"You'd better run, Moony!"

"Haha..."

"You think you can outrun me? Ha, not a chance!"

"..."

"Wanna know a secret? Remmy, come here."

"Nope, you are going to scare me - try to scare me, at least."

"Fine, I'll tell you while you're still far away... Aren't you going to ask me what my secret is?"

"..."

"No? I'll tell you anyway!"

"Have you realized you say that a lot?"

"Really? Hey! Who said you could change the subject. I have something important to tell you."

"Fine, I'll bite. What?"

"I got an Outstanding in Defence yesterday for helping Wormtail out with his shield charm."

"Really? That's wonderful. If you continue like this, you might even pass your OWLs and th-"

"BOO!"

"..."

"Wow, that didn't scare you?"

"No."

"Oh."

"Good try though."

"Huh, as if!"

"You weren't joking about the O in DADA, right?"

"No, Remmy. I wasn't."

"Oh, good!"

"Re-mmy! What's so important about grades?"

"Si-ri! You know I need great marks if I want any hope of getting an acceptable job."

"So that means _you_ have to get good marks, not me!"

"..."

"OW!"

"Ha!"

"Oh, Remmy, you're about to get your arse kicked for that!"

"Come and get me!"


	4. Fourth Year

"I told you that pick-up line was never going to work, Padfoot."

"I know, I heard you. It was horrible, wasn't it? The look on her face though?"

"Hilarious, it's true."

"But Moony-"

"What?"

"D'ya think she likes me?"

"Ha-h - Err."

"..."

"Don't stare at me like that, it's creepy."

"..."

"Whoa, Pads. Your eyes change colour. I mean-not-not much, but they are darker than usual so... stop it!"

"Really?"

"Yeah, go look in the mirror."

"Ehh, later. I don't wanna go upstairs right now."

"But it's nearly ten-thirty!"

"..."

"What?"

"Moony..."

"..."

"You. Are. Such. A. Wierdo."

"Ouch, you poked me."

"So? You just insinuated that ten-thirty is late... on a Friday."

"And...?"

"..."

"What, I don't get it?"

"Oh Merlin, Moony. Four years and we _still_ haven't taught you that "late" means "after midnight"?"

"Well, yes. But I have homework, Padfoot, and I'll need to wake up early to get a head star-"

"Shut up Moony, you're being a moron."

"Oh, _I'm _being a moron? Look who's talking!"

"You... you were."

"Hmm, you got me there."

"So, Moony-"

"Don't do that, you'll poke someone's eye out!"

"..."

"Don't roll your eyes at me, Sirius Black or else...!"

"Is that a threat?"

"Maybe it is!"

"Pshh, as if! Old grandpa Remus who wants to go to sleep while the sun is still in the sky is making threats, that's rich!"

"Hrmph."

"Even if you tried, there'd be no way to catch me."

"..."

"I'd run like the wind-"

"..."

"Turn into Padfoot-"

"..."

"And you would never find me to inflict whatever simple, but strangely, ridiculously brilliant revenge plan that you thought u-oomph."

"Liar."

"Huh?"

"I _totally_ just got you."

"No you didn't, you just pushed me to the ground like some sort of barbarian!"

"Get up then, Mister I'm-so-brilliant-that-I-can't-recognize-a-hex-even-after-its-cast-onto-me."

"…"

"Ha-ha!"

"Moony, let me up!"

"But you amuse me, trying to get up and only being successful in resembling a flobberworm."

"I'll have you know that Blacks do _not_ under any circumstances look like flobberworms."

"Well then, I proved you wrong."

"Let me up!"

"Nope. Do you like my sticking charm, Padfoot?"

"Bugger, I can't undo-What spell is this?"

"…"

"Don't give me that smug smile and LET ME UP!"

"I thought Blacks didn't lose their tempers."

"When did I ever say that?"

"Yesterday, when I accused you of having a short attention span and really poor anger management skills."

"Yes, well Snivellus had it coming."

"He was just walking down the hall!"

"But Remus, he _smelled_."

"So, you smell when you don't shower for days and none of us decide to spell all your clothes off, cast only _slight _blurring charms in places that really shouldn't be shown to the entire Great Hall during breakfast, and then pour a glass of water on you!"

"Blacks don't smell!"

"Huh, I'll have you know that you and James smell after your quidditch practices!"

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, I'm a genius, aren't I? I can insult you, not that I would, Padfoot, and you can't do anything about it. You are glued to the floor, after all. With a slightly modified spell, I might add."

"Well don't go around looking all proud like that, Moony, it makes you look conceited."

"..."

"It's true."

"'Padfoot, do you think that it is in any way smart to be insulting your captor?"

"Maybe-maybe not."

"..."

"..."

"And...?"

"And I'm sorry?"

"And...?"

"And I won't insult you ever again, Moony."

"Huh, yeah right. And...?"

"What do you wan-LET ME UP!"

"Stop struggling, it makes you more and more paralyzed the more you wiggle and move around."

"WHAT!"

"What's the magic word, Padfoot?"

"Let me up before I do something I'll later regret?"

"Like?"

"Like stick your wand up your bloody ars-"

"Padfoot! There are _first years _in here!"

"Then LET ME GO!"

"Magic word."

"WE ARE MAGICAL; THERE ARE _HUNDREDS _OF MAGIC WORDS!"

"..."

"Alohamora?"

"..."

"I can't get a good enough grip on my wand to hex you, Moony. Be grateful."

"..."

"Oh for Merlin's-Please?"

"Fine-"

"Oh thank goodness!"

"I'll free you tomorrow morning. I, for one, am tired."

"Bu-but... MOONY! GET YOUR SKINNY BUTT BACK HERE OTHERWISE YOU'D BETTER LEARN TO SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN!"

"Sure, sure, Padfoot."

"Moony, come back!"

"Unlikely."

"Moooooonnnyyyy!"

"I can't hear you."

"I'll get you!"

"..."

"Just you wait. Padfoot will exact his revenge."

"..."

"Just-just let me up first."

"..."

"Oh, GOD! You scared me Remus. I thought you'd gone upstairs."

"Nah, it is only ten-thirty."

"'So you'll let me go?"

"..."

"Nothing? Well then, I'll answer for you: yes!"

"Fine Padfoot, I'll let you go now."

"Yes!"

"..."

"Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!"

"No problem, Padfoo-"

"..."

"You didn't need to hug me, now I smell like dog!"

"I _do not_ smell."

"You do Pad-"

"Nope, Blacks do not smell."

"More than Snape did."

"You wound me, Moony."

"Yeah, and you distract me from my homework."

"Spoilsport."

"Go to bed."

"No."

"Why not?"

"You're doing homework on a Friday, and James and Peter are nowhere to be found. If not me, then who's going to make sure you don't actually spend the night working?"

"You're hilarious."

"I know, aren-your sarcasm hurts me, Moony."

"Oh shut it, Padfoot."

"Nope."

"Yes, I'm doing work."

"No, do your Transfiguration tomorrow."

"I can't, tomorrow I have to do my Charms homework."

"Do that on Sunday."

"Shhh."

"I _will not _"shhh"! You can't silence the protests of Sirius Black!"

"..."

"Gdhhs."

"What's that Padfoot? I don't understand, speak clearly."

"Mffphhhg!"

"Oh, yeah. I put a silencing charm on you. You're strangely immune to it."

"Mffhgh!"

"Oh, I'll take it off you when I finish my work."

"Mggg."

"Yes."

"Ngg."

"Yes."

"Ngg."

"Yes. Shhh"

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks for reading, I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it :D<strong>

**Review?**


	5. Fifth Year

"Ooh, Moonykins!"

"Shh, Mister Black, he's resting, don't make me kick you out."

"I would never dream of it, Madam."

"Yes, of course you wouldn't"

"Is that sarcasm I hear? You wound me!"

"Not so loud, Black!"

"Oh right, he's sleeping. It's why I'm whispering now, can you still hear me, Madam?"

"I'm awake, I'm awake. Don't strain yourself Padfoot."

"Oh thank Merlin! I simply can't be quiet, it's most unusual. What? It is! I need a specialist, someone must cure me!"

"Well, I didn't say "shout my ears off", did I? Goodness, stop being so dramatic, and get off my leg! And Sirius, for goodness sakes, you're fifteen, and you've been this way... I'm willing to say since your birth."

"I'm not on your leg, there's just something hard under my bum."

"That would be my leg, thank you very much."

"But it's comfy, let me sit here."

"No."

"Why?"

"No."

"Moooony!"

"No."

"You're so mean to me!"

"_You're sitting on me!"_

_"Only because you're mean to me!"_

"Seriously?"

"Of course, how else would I do things? Jamesiously?"

"Yes, that would be lovely because James _doesn't sit on my legs! _Especially not after the full!"

"Oh, oops."

"Thank you, Padfoot, for reminding me just how easy you think it is being me!"

"No, you already knew it, you don't need me to remind you."

"…"

"And also, you're welcome."

"What?"

"You thanked me, so I said that you-"

"Yes, I heard."

"My, my, my... Someone sure is grumpy!"

"Only because… Ow! Although you've gotten off of my foot, you are now on my arm."

"What? Wow, I have the worst of luck."

"…"

"…"

"See, Padfoot, everything is better when my limbs are not being sat on."

"Oh come off it, I was there last night! You're not hurt that badly!"

"…"

"Gah, ckkk."

"And, dear Paddy, that's what happens when people don't shut their mouths. They. Get. Taped. Shut."

"Mmgph."

"Gah, ckkk."

"Ha! I got it! I learned the spell and the counter-charm, so you no longer have any control over me."

"Unfortunately, you seem to have forgotten that I knew the charm first, so I also know the counter-charm."

"Oh, bollocks, I did forget."

"What's that I hear? Our very own Padfoot admitting he didn't think his plan out thoroughly enough? Impossible!"

"Shut your mouth!"

"You can't make me, literally. You literally can't make me because I know the counter-charm."

"What are you now, a legilimens?"

"Why do you ask?"

"You stole my idea, and then showed me a flaw in it!"

"Yeah, I'm amazing."

"I thought you were in pain and all grumpy!"

"I was only in pain because your arse was touching my arm and my leg, and who knows what you get up to!"

"What are you insinuating?"

"I think you know!"

"Padfoot does too wipe his bum!"

"…"

"…"

"Liar!"

"How on earth would you know?"

"You tell me!"

"What's that supposed to mean? I'm only ever forced to do my business as Padfoot when it's the full. You don't remember, how do you know what I do or don't do?"

"Maybe I _am_ a legilimens."

"What am I thinking now?"

"Either quidditch, the Map, or what topic you tell me you were thinking about to prove I'm not in your head. You do realize that wouldn't work, because if I were in your head, I would see you scheming."

"Are you saying you _can't_ read my mind?"

"I'm right, aren't I?"

"…"

"Yes! Point two for Moony, zero for Paddy."

"Don't call me Paddy."

"You've called my Remmy for the past four years; I'm entitled to make up my own funny nickname for you!"

"Well fine, then. Call me Paddy… but if you call me Paddy, I call you… Remmykins!"

"NO!"

"OH, YES!"

"OH, UH-UH!"

"OH, UH-HUH!"

"Are the two of you decent?"

"Shut up James!"

* * *

><p><strong>I hope this was alright! It was really fun to write, so I hope you all enjoy it too!<strong>

**Review?**


	6. Sixth Year

"Remus!"

"…"

"Please listen to me!"

"…"

"I'm sorry, honest. Don't hate me!"

"…"

"Moony…"

"Don't call me that."

"I thought we were friends."

"So did I."

"Friends don't hate other friends."

"I'm not your friend."

"I'll do anything."

"No, Sirius."

"Please?"

"…"

"Pretty please?"

"…"

"Please with a cherry on top… wait, no. Melted chocolate on top. That expensive chocolate you love – the one from France. I think."

"…"

"No! Let me… Talk to me, please. It was an accident!"

"I asked you one thing, _one thing,_ when the four of you found out. Don't tell. Do you remember that, or did you forget? I told you I would move out of the dorm, that I would never bother you again – in return for you to keep that one secret. I asked, you all agreed. Now what? Just because Severus was antagonizing you, you tell him?"

"B-but, Moony. I didn't mean to."

"No, don't you dare cry."

"…"

"Pa-Sirius! Shut up. You're not the one who is now worrying that they will be the reason the best headmaster in a century gets sacked, you're not the one who nearly killed someone. I'm the one mistaken for a killing machine!"

"Moony."

"Don't."

"Please, talk to me!"

* * *

><p>"Moony, Moony!"<p>

"What?"

"Remus, I know you don't want to hear it, but I'm really sorry!"

"So?"

"What do you mean _"so,"?_ I'm apologizing!"

"I really, really couldn't care less. I'd actually rather go and sit through another full moon than talk to you."

"Oh, Remus! Please, please, please."

"…"

"I'm so sorry, please forgive me, I'll do anything."

"Are you serious?"

"I-"

"_I know it's your name, so shut up. _Do you really think I'll forgive you for almost making me kill someone?"

"But-but… we're friends… really!"

"Huh!"

"And what's _that _supposed to mean?"

"It means that the very idea of us being friends – acquaintances – is laughable."

"That's rude of you to say."

"Excuse me? _Excuse me?"_

"You're excused."

"_You_ came to _me._ To apologize! Don't you tell me to leave? Get out of the dorm; I've had enough of this."

"Fine!"

"Fine."

"Fine!"

"Fine."

"Don't kick me out!"

"If memory serves, _dear friend of mine, _you agreed with me."

"B-bu-Moony!"

"I don't want to talk to you. Get out!"

* * *

><p>"Stop sending me cards of apology, Sirius. It's bloody annoying."<p>

"Forgive me."

"No!"

"Yes, you have to. Otherwise, you'll be getting these for the rest of your life."

"As if!"

"What are you trying to say?"

"I'm saying that you barely have enough of an attention span to play a match of quidditch. I have no doubt that in a few days you will have gotten bored with sending me cards."

"Is that a challenge?"

"You're impossible!"

"You came to talk to me this time."

"So?"

"Now who's being impossible?"

"Don't give me that!"

"What?"

"T-that, attitude!"

"You're just mad because the cards work and you're forgiving me!"

"In your dreams."

"You came to talk to me, definitely an improvement."

"Shut up, I hate your logic."

"I remind you again, you came to talk to m-"

"Yes, I got it."

"Sit with us tonight at dinner."

"Not a chance."

* * *

><p>"You came."<p>

"No I didn't. I was hungry and there are no empty spots left!"

"There's one up there next to Evans."

"Would you rather I go sit there?"

"_I_ have no problem with it."

"I think you do."

"Nope. That would be Prongs."

"So you wouldn't mind if I got up and left right now?"

"Noope."

"Fine, I'll go then."

"…"

"…"

"Wait! Remus, sit with us."

"Fat chance! You told me to leave, so I'll go."

"No, Fat _Lady,_ Remus. Oh come on, please come back. We've all missed you. It's so strange without you, we need you, otherwise we're not the Marauders. I just want things to go back to normal."

"Normal? That's even more unlikely than-than…"

"Sit with us, just this once."

"Fine."

"I knew you didn't hate us!"

"I still do, it's just that Evans' friend came down for dinner just now."

"Yeah, sure."

* * *

><p>"Moony."<p>

"Yes, Padfoot?"

"I-I'm,"

"What?"

"Don't laugh at me."

"I won't."

"It'll make me sound like a girl."

"Just say it; I have a Transfiguration essay due tomorrow."

"Ireallymissedyouwhenyoudidn'twanttohangoutwithus,soI'mgladyou'reback."

"I know, Pads."

"I really was. It was lonely. You're different than the other two, you're _Moony."_

"Thanks for noticing."

"I'm trying to talk here, don't ruin my speech."

"I feel like everything's changed and so different. Evans agreed to go out with Prongs, Wormy's got himself a girlfriend, and you hated me. I was alone, really. Sometimes in those months where you didn't even want to look at us—me- I sometimes wondered if perhaps that was all a bad dream because you would never ignore me! But… it wasn't."

"Padfoot, I forgave you. I didn't want to, but I did. It means I can't hate you, no matter how hard I try. And I most certainly tried! Wow, did that sound as choppy and _ugly_ as I thought it did?"

"Can I have a hug?"

"A hug?"

"Uh-huh."

"Er…I don't think so."

"What? Why?"

"Because if I hug you, I'll tickle you. If I tickle you, you'll retaliate, and that never ends well. I'll probably end up hexed or you'll end up with a bowl of porridge glued to your face."

"It was hot!"

"I remember. You were being particularly insufferable that day."

"…"

"There, a hug."

"Thanks Moony."

"Yeah, just don't-don't do it again."


End file.
